Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
