Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
