i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
