it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
