now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
