Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
