I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She is in my trunk
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
we're so committed to being not committed
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
