yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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