I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
