Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
