Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
