I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
