if you like me you must not know who I am
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
