I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
