me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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