Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
