I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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