We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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