the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
