So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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