He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How does one acquire holy water?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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