Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
