I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
