my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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