"it" just moved
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
