so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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