is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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