coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
