i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
