p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
