I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
