Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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