i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
