You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
