note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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