I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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