Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
