I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
