OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
