I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
