i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
