Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
