I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
