Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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