I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I supernannyed him into submission
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
