i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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