chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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