you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
