I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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