Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
