Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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