Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm like, not good at living.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
