you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
