you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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