Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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