OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
