like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
